 Wordscapes® Dr.
Dag Help!!!!
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| Dear Human Tragedies: Ven all za carrots are eaten, za stick iss broken und the bricks are chipped, it iss best to remember zat za Universe iss suposedly unfolding as it should. As zey say in Amerika: "Aint zat a bitch?" So vat are you going to argue mit za Universe? Of course not. It iss also not vise to blame Gott. He is sensitive about criticism. I should know. I am treating Him for delusions of granduer. It iss a difficult case because He iss not fond of carrots und I thought I should not maybe hit Him mit za stick. As patients go He iss pretty good. Not as interesting as myself of course, but He has some interesting stuff to say. Naturally I vould not betray za Patient/Doctor confidentiality so forget about any meaningful quotes to help your miserable lives. Gott iss not a detail guy. He has got za stars working pretty good but za bookkeeping on individual lives iss pretty much behind. So if you are waiting for some punishment to come down for a misdeed, relax. Chances are, it vill not happen for years. Time enough for marriage, a family, a mortgage, car payments, teenage delinquency, betrayal, divorce, Alzheimers und death. So vat you should end up shovelling coal for a couple of millenia in Hell? Iss your job so much fun? Raising children zen iss fun und easy? Looking for work iss a rewarding hobby? So! Isn’t zat good news? (no its Gott news- ha ha: special Sviss humour) One thing he did mention iss zat za main problem in za vorld iss not insanity. Zis vas bad news for me- I haff staked my professional career on za universality of madness. Gott says zat zere iss a lot of craziness (vich is NOT HIS FAULT!), but za real problem iss functional stupidity. As ve know zis condition iss not treatable. It might seem, on reflection, zat a good heavy stick can treat stupidity; but it cannot actually cure it. Understanding zat za world problems, as ve can see, surround rampant madness (no less an authority zan myself!) und even more rampant stupidity (mit Gott being the authority)- ve begin to understand vhy things are as zey are; stupid und crazy. Now, I am trying to deal with za insanity, but it might take qvite a bit of time to treat so many crazies. Like mein whole life maybe. Gott, on ze ozzer hand, doesn’t really mind stupidity. Having delusions of grandeur as He does, He iss not keen on competition. Fair enough, neither am I, of course my only competition iss mein delusional double who is practicing psychiatry in Berne. Gott’s competition iss zae Devil, who iss not stupid or crazy. Za Dark Prince iss a busy guy, he iss pretty much in charge of Religion (yes, vat a pity it iss too) Globalization, za International Monetary Fund, und has a board position on a lot of Multi-National Corporations. You knew zis already? Vell Gott iss in charge of Love, but, zat iss not doing too vell eizer, und forget praying for help: He iss much too busy to take your calls. He iss also in charge of planetary orbits, and that iss going okay. He also does weather, which iss interesting because a lot of people sink zat za Devil iss in charge of zat. Zere! Isn’t zat interesting? See vat you can learn from Dr. Dag? One more thing, if you should get a visit from Gott, he likes his coffee mit no sugar und just a little 2% milk. Best thing iss not to be critical or too curious, just hang mit Him und agree while he complains about za IMF, Globalization, Religion, and Multi-National Corporations. Just remember ziss however, if you get a visit from Gott, you are probably crazy, so you should be visiting me, Dr. Dag Halfredt. Keep those cards und letters coming folks. Oh, und Gott says to say: "Hi". |
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